MIA

Well, yeah...its been a bit since I was last on here. :/ Since the last time I blogged...I did the Follistim injections, then had my IUI's on the 12th and 13th of November. I began Progesterone on the 15th, just as a precautionary measure and I went to the office on the 23rd of November for my blood HCG. I waited a long almost 3 hours for a phone call, they were closing at noon because it was the day before Thanksgiving, and so at 11:55 I couldn't wait any longer and I called them...I got a BFN! I was devestated to say the least. I felt like such a failure and just lost. The very next day, Thanksgiving, AF came and it was like a second punch in the gut. I had BC pills left from my last cycle, so I began taking them that night. I have an appt scheduled for 12/19 to go in for my suppression U/S and get ready to do the shots again. Probably we'll be doing IUI's on 1/7 or 8th.

So I've just been trying to keep busy and keep my mind on other things. Its hard and it sucks. For the last two weeks on FB, it seems like EVERY one is annoucing pregnancies! I am happy for people and don't begrudge them but I am very jealous and it makes me sad. I just don't understand why it has to be so difficult. :(

Tonight after dinner we took Haylei to see the Christmas lights at Rhema! She loved it, but not quite as much as the Christmas kingdom at the Castle in Muskogee...they have TONS of inflatables and you drive through them.

I'm going to try to do better at blogging again, because I want to have this later on to look back and remember the way I felt and what steps we took to get to were we want to go.

dr's appt

I just got home from a doctors appt...boy those things wear you out! He did an internal ultrasound to check to see if ovaries were "suppressed" and YAY! they were!! So we laid out the game plan! I have to take a BC pill tonight and then one tomorrow night...hopefully start a cycle on Monday, 10/31. If I do start a cycle that day, I'll also begin Follistim 75 IUI's that night as well. I have a return appt on 11/7 to go in a get another U/S and blood work...the goal is to do the IUI on the 17th or 18th!!! They want it to be done before Thanksgiving!! I am beyond THRILLED!! I likely won't sleep at all for the next 3 weeks! HA! His nurse gave me her cell phone # to call or text with any questions...i guess she's dealt with the crazy, hormonal people before!! HA! So thats all the news i have to report!

Feelings

The past couple of weeks have been so full of emotions and feelings I just don't know where to begin. Last night I had a total breakdown...poor Matt! The whole Fertility journey, I feel like I kind of have watched it from the medical perspective, not as if it were actually myself. Two weeks ago, my nurse called and said that the Clomid did not work and therefore I need to start injectable drugs, Follistim. While that knocked the wind out of me for a time, I still viewed it as "Thats okay". But now, as I am trying to get my fianances in order, and looking at the reality of the whole ordeal...I am scared/excited/nervous/something!!! Ha! I began Femcon on Tuesday and scheduled an appt for 10/25 to go get an ultrasound and make sure my ovaries are suppressed...if they are we'll order the injectables right away, if not, i'll take a few more of the BC pills and then do another U/S and go from there. I know that God has a plan...I know that God is bigger than this....I do whole heartedly believe that God has placed Dr. B and staff in my path for a reason...Do I wish it were easier? yes. Do I love going through this? No, but I will take it and use it and hopefully help someone else in my shoes down the road. I know that God sees all my tomorrows...he sees the end of my journey and how this will all play out, I do not. I feel like I am so incredibly close to my dreams yet so far away. Right now I am just praying for the money part of this journey to work out...last night when I was in hysterics, I said "This is not fair. It is not fair that I can't have a child because I don't have the money to get myself pg" But I know that life is not fair, those who have to battle cancer...thats not fair. More ramblings later....

MIA

So this week has been crazy busy!! Last weekend was the annual Coweta Fall Festival where a certain little girl I know, performed in front of the grandstand with her gymnastics class...she was the cutest little lion out there...

My two pretty nieces...Maddy and Haylei


So all day Saturday, we spent getting ready for the big night!

On Monday, I had my endometrial biopsy done. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought, I think! Does that make sense?? Once I got to my appt, Claudia, the lab tech/nurse pulled me back and explained how he would do it, from then I really began panicking...."He's going to do what?!?! with what?!?" I sat back in the waiting room awaiting for my name to be called. I had huge, giant tears in my eyes and so my bestie, Amber called me and then my sis-in-law, Valarie called and they helped me to calm down. Once I went back to my procedure, it went pretty quick, Dr. Bundren asked if I had any questions and then explained why he does the biopsy. So with that said, he began. I felt some "high pitched" cramping for a few minutes and then it was all over. Took maybe 5 minutes and I as able to go back to work afterwards. I should get the results sometime next week. I will be anxiously awaiting!!

At work, we've been working lots of overtime, with our merger with two other hospitals in the Tulsa area, we've had a lot of work to do. But it does make the time go fast and for nice paychecks! I figure, I might as well take all of it I can get for now!

Now for a few more pics from the Fall Festival

Long week

Whew! It has been a long, emotionally taxing week! On Monday, Matt, Eric, Haylei, and I made a trip to the Tulsa Zoo! It was the perfect weather and the kids had a blast!!


Haylei and Eric

Monday afternoon I found out one of my sister's good friends for nearly her whole life had an accidental overdose and was in a coma. She sadly passed away early Tuesday morning, she left behind her two little kids who are 11 and 4. It is just heartbreaking. I just got home from her funeral a little while ago. My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with those little men.

Also, on Tuesday a friend of mine, after waiting for 13 years and being told she'd most likely never have a baby, gave birth to a beautiful little girl!!

Wednesday was the 4th anniversary of the day the baby I was supposed to get to adopt, JLS, was born. I remember that day 4 years ago, while sitting at work, getting the phone call that he had been born, but that there was a problem, and I wasn't going to be able to go to the hospital to get him.

So needless to say, my emotions have been all over the place this week. I am so glad it is Friday and maybe my head will quit pounding as we just spend some much needed time at home!!

A few more pics from the Zoo:

Catch up!

Whew! Its been 3 weeks since I posted! Here's a little about whats been happening at the Simon household....

August 15th I turned the big 29! Holy cow, where did the time go?!?!
August 22nd-I had my follow up appt after my surgery and we got to go over the plan for getting a baby! Dr. B started me on Progesterone since I hadn't had my cycle since June 21st. I began Progesterone that night and took it for 7 days. Once my cycle started, I was instructed to call Mary Catherine, his nurse. She called me in Clomid to begin taking day 3 and continue through day 7. I was also scheduled for an endometrial biopsy to be done on day 24 of my cycle. The biopsy will show if the Clomid actually made me ovulate as that is all the Dr believes is my problem at this point. Since I take Glumetza for the PCOS and had my endo lasered, if he can get me to ovulating, I should be fine. If the biospy shows that the Clomid didn't work, we'll begin Follistim injections the next month, if the biopsy did show I ovulated, then i'll just continue on it for a couple more months and if I don't get pregnant on that, we'll switch to the Follistim. Whew!

So today I am taking my last pill of 50mg Clomid. I have had hot flashes galore, but haven't much felt like doing bodily harm to anyone, so thats a good thing!! HA! My biopsy is in two weeks and I am already nervous about that, but I know it'll all be okay. I trust my doctor completely and I am willing to do whatever it takes to have a child.

So we get a long 3 day weekend!! Yay! i am a little sad that we aren't going camping this Labor day weekend, but it has just been way to hot to be sleeping outdoors and sweating on purpose! Miss thang will have gymnastics tomorrow and then as soon as that is over, we're heading to the lake for the day with Nana and Papa and all Haylei's cousins!!

Saturday-schmaturday

It is so nice to be home relaxing on this lovely, Saturday evening! I've had quite the busy week at work and then today we had gymnastics and a birthday party! At gymnastics, Haylei is learning her routine that she'll do for the Coweta Fall Festival in September!! They are dancing to The Lion King! We weren't allowed to go upstairs and watch their practice today, so I don't know their moves to be able to work with her at home, but they did give us the words to the song written out, becuase the girls need to know the words, so we have homework! After gymnastics, we came home and had lunch and rested for a bit before we went to a coworker's son's birthday party. All morning long, Haylei asked if it was time to go to Maffew's birthday~she's never even met him before, but was quite excited to go!! HA! 

We had dinner with my dad at the Fish Shack, it was yummy as always! We went to his house after and Hay had lots of fun pestering him. She kept getting in his recliner and tell me "ask(tell)him to move" "ask(tell)him no." She has ask and tell confused this week! I forgot, once we left gymnastics, she was highly upset about someone, not sure if it was the extra teacher at gym or a kid, but she kept saying "she's a meanie, I don't like her now, she's meanie". So I asked her what this person said and she said "them a meanie now". She was bobbing her head around giving attitude and I couldn't quit laughing! She's such a nut!!

the day after..

Surgery went well, Dr. B said I have Stage 1 endometriosis, which I guess if you're going to have it, that is the best to have. He lasered it all out and believes that it will fix my issues!! yay!! I had a rough time waking up in recovery, they kept yelling at me to breathe! I kept thinking, "I am breathing, geeze" but my pulse ox wasn't were it should have been. I was in recovery for 2 hours becuase of this and was the last person in there. :/ AFter getting home, I couldn't stay awake for anything! My bestie, Amber, and her hubby brought us over Roy's chicken for dinner, I was able to eat a few bites of mashed potatoes and a roll. I went to bed pretty early and was going to make Matt and Haylei sleep in Emily's bed, so that she wouldn't kick me in the belly, but she cried pretty hard, so I just turned my back towards her so she couldn't get me in the belly. Today, we are just having a lazy day....toys all over the living room and lots of housework needing to be done, but I suppose that will just have to wait till I can get up and down easier.

Something else going on in our house today is...Emily is moving into her dorm at ORU. It is a very, bittersweet day! She is such a wonderful  young lady and such a blessing to have in our life!

Surgery day

Today is the day I have my laparoscopy to check to see if I have Endometriosis. Dr. B seems to think I probably do have it, so if I do, he'll have a laser on stand-by to zap out what he can. And then when I go back to see him at my followup he'll let me know if I have to do Lupron injections. I am praying so hard this morning, that I will not have it and my uterus will be clear!! I have faith that it will be a good report. Yesterday I spent the day getting prepared for today and this weekend, since I'll be sore and not able to get out and about in the 120 degree heat (ha!). I went and got groceries, a pedicure, something new and comfy to wear home today and then last night  I got to do what so many people would be jealous of....I got to do a bowel prep! Whoohoo!!! NOT! The first few glasses I thought, "Hey, I can do this!", but by the 5th glass I was gagging and sputtering! It was awful! I don't think it was that the salty taste was quite so bad, but it was the shear volume of liquid I was trying to drink. I was never so happy to down that last glass and throw that dad-gum bottle away!!!

My mom, step-dad, hubby and my sister's kids and My sweet Haylei are all going to the hospital with me and take care of me!! I am so glad that I'll have them all out there. :)

This crazy life

I have been a blog lurker for a couple of years now....I absolutley love reading blogs and getting ideas for recipes, birthday parties and getting encouragement from people with a strong faith. I am just a simple girl, living in a small town in Oklahoma who has a crazy, fun life. I have no children of my own, but a couple of step-children whom I love dearly and a sweet, precious niece who occupies most of my time!! I have 13 nieces and nephews all together and I love each of them dearly!! Some of my posts I am sure will be boring....but I just want to be able to network with others out in this crazy life! I am currently strugging with trying to concieve. Its been 3 years since we began and I feel like we are getting closer to being parents of our child. There is a lot more on this to come I am sure.


xoxo,
Erin