So many emotions

Well, here I set, the day of my second IUI for this cycle...I had one insemination yesterday and then one today. Yesterday when Dr. B and MK came in my room, they acted a bit concerened about the sperm count...there was only 2 million sperm. Last cycle there was 21 million both days. They said that stress, sickness or being on antibiotics could cause this. Which Matt was sick last week with the stomach bug. So we went ahead and did the insemination anyway. They told Matt to drink lots of fluids(water and gatorade) yesterday and we'd do it again tomorrow(today). After my insemination, I stayed laying on the table for a good 30 minutes, because MK came back in the room and just talked to me about coding stuff. Afterwards I came on home and was extremely bloated and a little crampy. Today when I went in, there were 13 million sperm...they said that Dr. Wortham washed them in a different fluid trying to help the count out. They seemed okay with that number. There was a med student in the room with us today and so I got to try and listen to Dr. B explain what was going on...the funny thing is that I did not feeling the "high pitched cramp" like the last 3 times they've done it...it really wasn't painful at all, so much so that I wondered if they even did it! Maybe it was the different fluid the sperm was washed in??

After I left the clinic, actually while I was still laying on the table, I just had an overwhelming sadness. I come to think of it like the build up of Christmas, you plan and plan and plan over and over for Christmas, you buy things and get ready for the big day, then after 5 minutes, the whole ordeal is over and you feel so letdown. Thats what my sadness feels like. Since the day I found out my last cycle hadn't worked, which was Nov 23rd, I went into planning mode again, the very next day, AF came and I began my BC pills that night, so I feel like I just jumped right back into "doing something". I did BC for 4 weeks, then a suppression U/S and then the week after started shots. When I feel sad or overwhelmed, I like to get on the web and find blogs dealing with infertility. Its just where I am right now...it consumes all of my thoughts, emotions and time. I am praying with everything in me that this cycle works...this one sticks. I go on Jan 23rd for my BHCG. I am praying for numbers over 25!!! We do have the funds, thanks to Christmas, for one more cycle. I am just praying that I can use that $2000 to buy baby furniture and gear!!!