Another "no"

My eyes are filled with tears as I sit here writing this post...I just got off the phone with my nurse and got the results of my latest IUI...a BFN. Of course. I had such hope and a positive thought on this because this cycle had the best numbers yet. I had two follicles and the sperm counts were good. But I suppose this wasn't God's plan or timing.

I'll tell from the beginning...DH had a vasectomy reversal 4 years ago, his counts have always been good and we were very hopeful. Then after a couple years of nothing, and my cycles began getting crazy, I decided it was time to see my doctor. I just went to my PCP and she diagnosed me with PCOS based on symptoms and then blood work confirmed it. She started me on 250mg of Metformin a day and prescribed BC for 3 months. So I did as she asked and took my last pack of pills in January and immediatley my cycles went nuts again. So I scheduled an appt with an RE here in Tulsa. My appt with him was 3/28/11 and he confirmed the PCOS and increased my Metformin to 1000mg per day and we scheduled another semen analysis since it had been a couple years since DH had one. It turned out okay, needed to take some vitamins, but still was okay. I then had my HSG at the beginning of June and it was normal. My next step was a laparoscopy in August. It showed stage 1 endometriosis, but he lasered it while there and thought that would fix my problems. I went for my post op a couple weeks later and we decided to try Clomid and then scheduled an endometrial biopsy, he said that would tell if the Clomid made me ovulate or not. So we did that, it didn't work. Next step...double IUI's with injectables(Follisitim). Well I had one in November, January and then March. All failed.

My heart is so heavy and burdened. I am surrounded by pregnant people!! My marriage I feel is suffering, though Matt has been great and a trooper, doing everything he was supposed to do. So I think we are going to take some time off and try to regroup, I'm going to go in and talk to my RE and make another game plan, the nurse said maybe try a few months of Lupron and weight loss and then gear up for IVF in the fall. This journey is one that I would never in my life wish on my worst enemy. It doesn't make sense to me, none of my family have ever had any issues like this, and so for me...the one who loves children and always thought i'd have 10...this is really bizaare. I know God is bigger than this and I know he holds me in his hands.